The question is, “How’s married life?”

It’s not an unanswerable question. I usually respond with a variation of, “Good. The same as before we were married.” Which is the truth. The question was hard for me to answer the first couple of times. It’s not because there was something wrong with Holly and me. I just don’t think of life in terms of before and after getting married. It seems I don’t understand the concept of “Married Life.”

Full disclosure: I used to ask people this same question. I realize it’s sometimes translation for: “I haven’t talked to/seen you since your wedding and I want to get the conversation going with the last thing I associate with you.” That’s cool. And make no mistake: I know marriage is a big deal. The couple makes vows in front of their families, friends and the state to be a committed unit that will support, care and be responsible for each other for the rest of their lives. That’s huge!

To me, though, “How’s married life?” implies an idea that marriage changes everything. Does it? Relationships grow and change along with the people in it. Isn’t marriage an extension of that relationship? It was for me. Holly and I were living together for two years before I popped the question and nearly three years by the time we tied the knot. There were already emotional and contractual commitments to the relationship in place before the engagement. Marriage isn’t a different type of relationship for me. It’s more of the relationship. Our life together will grow, but we had a wonderful life before we were married. I don’t expect our life to get better just because we are married. Getting married and having a wedding didn’t instantly usher in a new era in our lives. It was part of the natural progression and evolution of our relationship. Our strong relationship enabled us to make commitment and get married.

Of course, this is just Holly and me. Your life and marriage may be different. Do you think of your life or relationship as “before” and “after” you got married? How and why?

(Thanks to our friend Beth for the great photo of Holly and me!)